Yes, It's All Very Pretty, But Is It Rock?

358. SMASHING PUMPKINS, "Tonight, Tonight"

Produced by Flood, Alan Moulder, and Bill Corgan; written by Billy Corgan

Virgin 38547 1996 Billboard: # 36

Okay, quick question: how many strings does it take to turn a rock band back into an orchestra? On Siamese Dream, the Pumpkins had certainly worked the classical colorings, but on this track from Mellon Collie and the Infinite Sadness, one might very well think that they've finally gone a viola too far. Between that, and the title that reminds me of West Side Story, and the kittens in the CD booklet (KITTENS I TELL YOU--KITTENS!!?), I would normally be inclined to say that they've left rock and roll far behind here. I don't care if Corgan is bald and has one killer line in the lyric (crucify the insincere tonight). Rock and roll doesn't have that many strings--and it certainly doesn't have kittens.

Then I always come back to the drums. Jimmy Chamberlin's drumming on this track keeps it from getting too weak. No matter what else is going on with the other instruments, the drum on this track rocks. And thank God for that.

When the news came out a year or so later that Chamberlin was being kicked out of the band (temporarily as it turns out) because of his problems with heroin, I turned to my wife and said "Damn, why did it have to be the drummer?"

At the Center, and in the Spotlight

500. SLEATER-KINNEY, "I Wanna Be Your Joey Ramone"
Produced and written by Sleater-Kinney
1997 Did not make pop charts

If I could pick one track that was at the heart of this project, this would be it. Why? I'll list just five or six reasons:

(1) It features a strong female band. There has been no greater change in rock and roll since 1980 than the fact that women are now commonplace in rock.

(2) It gives central mythic significance to the Ramones, which is only right and proper since the Ramones are at the center of the modern history of the Western world. Take that, Beatlemaniacs. And oh yes the fact that it was written in the year the Ramones broke up makes it even sweeter.

(3) The song plays very cleverly with the false distinction between pop and art, parodying the posing of underground rock clubs (come downtown/put on your best frown) while admitting the dirty little secret at the heart of most of the ridiculously named "alternative" music of the 1990s: everybody wants to be a rock and roll star. They all want to be wildly popular with adoring fans. They just don't want to be bland while doing it. But the idea that artistic merit is inevitably in inverse proportion to popularity is sophomoric and should be grown out of by any serious artist in a form as innately popular as rock. Otherwise, in the unlikely event that they do hit the jackpot, they will end up as twisted in knots and suicidal as Kurt Cobain (who, like S-K, came from the Great Northwest, so you can toss out your purely environmental theories of depression).

(4) For at least five years, Sleater-Kinney were the queens of rock and roll, hands down, no dispute. But please don't ask me to choose between Carrie Brownstein and Corin Tucker for the title of Absolute Queen. Can't they just rule together?

(5) For thousands of girls who, unlike S-K and Patti Smith, couldn't make the gender leap, these three women were their Joey Ramones, the same way that the Beatles were Joey's, and Chuck Berry was the Beatles', and so on and so on, probably going back to King David and his mad lyrework way back in the day.

(6) It's what I thought. It's rock and roll. uh yeah uh yeah uh yeah uh yeah :)

You know, if I could somehow tie this track into the last three decades of hiphop, it would be at the heart of this project. Well, at least I can put it at the center.

In His Dreams, More Like It

666. BECK, "Devil's Haircut"
Produced by the Dust Brothers; written by Beck, John King, and Michael Simpson
DGC/Bongload 22222 1996 Billboard # 94

And it's buzzed, because you know the Jesus freaks have it down past their shoulders. Come to think of it, Hansen himself could do with a trim . . .

Heavens to Murgatroyd Even (Word)

276. INSANE IN THE BRAIN, Cypress Hill
Produced by Muggs & Chris Schwartz, written by L. Freese & L. Muggerud
Ruffhouse 77135 1993 Billboard: # 19

277. DOIN’ IT, L L Cool J
Produced by Chryskillz, Easy Mo Bee, Chad "Dr. Seuss" Elliott, Jean-Claud Oliver; Rashad Smith; written by LL Cool J
Del Jam 576120 1996 Billboard: # 20

In the 90s, there was a lot of concern about rap and its effect on children, but seriously what could be nicer than this? Bullwinkle and Snagglepuss making their rap debuts. What? That’s not them? This isn’t Jay Ward and Hanna Barbera keeping it real? Oh.