Lamest. Stalker. Ever.

867. TOMMY TUTONE, "867-5309/Jenny"
Produced by Chuck Plotkin; written by Alex Call and Jim Keller
Columbia 02646 1982 Billboard # 4

Forget the video: does anyone really think we need to call out the cops on this guy? For God's sake, George Michael sounds creepier in "Father Figure." And speaking of men's rooms, I've always wondered if there really is someone named Jenny at that number or whether it's just a practical joke that a bunch of drunk guys are playing on their [male] roommate. (It happens more than you'd think, people.)

It's legitimate to ask whether this song would be as fondly remembered by some if it had been produced in any other era than the early 1980s. It stands halfway between the sad case of the paranoid boyfriend in the Rays' "Silhouettes (on the Shade)" and the non-stop male gaze of our own era. Less New Wave than opportunistic ex-singer-songwriter, this is what happens when someone pours his heart out and finds he's a couple of gallons short. You want to believe this song is ironic, but I'm not so sure. . . .