942. CHER, "If I Could Turn Back Time"
Produced and written by Diane Warren
Geffen 22886 1989 Billboard: # 3
The ultimate comeback number--by no means the best, but absolutely the ultimate. In fact, while this song is almost nonsensical as a plea to a former lover, it makes perfect sense as a plea from an artist to the audience that she foolishly abandoned. Forgive me the marriages, forgive me the plastic surgery, I can't be what I used to but let's pretend that I am. The song comes nowhere near even wonderful 70s cheese like "Gypsies, Tramps, and Thieves," the arrangement is that unimaginatively tight drone that characterized so much Top 10 80s pop, she can't hit the notes she used to, it all goes on too long . . . but you know what? Somehow, I forgive her.
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